On edge

I'm on edge right now. I didn't even know it til now. I couldn't remember the password to my voicemail. I slammed my hand against my dresser. My girlfriend couldn't believe it, and neither could I. I don't like this. Everything isn't cool. Nothing's flowing like I thought they would. This year is intense. I can't get well rested, even if I sleep for hours. I don't feel happy, even when I wake up to the most beautiful face each day. I'm tired. I'm worn out. My classes don't make me tingle. I rarely sing anymore. As far as poetry goes, I have written in so long. It's amazing I'm even writing right now. I just want to swim in ice cold water, so I can feel something until I can feel no more. That sounds more dreary and morbid than I meant for it to be. I am just so done. Done. I seriously just want to go away somewhere far, and return only when it feels right. This school business has got me on edge.

Snitches

Let me,
Tell you something.
They all snitches. Blonde. Blue. Short hair. Long hair. Fat. Skinny.
Believe me.

Death Wish

Never let yourself be dragged into the mainstream.

I live my life with this is mind. Always on the back-burner, rolling into a fiery boil, or just simmering to a faint hiss. Mainstream. Two syllable death wish. Once it starts it's almost impossible to stop. Like leprosy, it eats away at you. First, your clothes change. Then your taste changes. Chipping away at the pocket change and lint in your life. Until, its gaping mouth swallows what you call dreams. Mainstream takes dreams.

Tired, Hungry, and full of Homework

I am so tired. During breaks, I forget about all the essays, readings, and homework assignments professors throw at me. At least I know my brain is working. I'm just so tired. It's so late. I can't believe I ate almost six hours ago. It's no wonder that my stomach is growling. :(

the number one question

there comes a time in every man's life when he decides what is most important to him. life is arranged in a way where we are expected to love and care for everyone. but, not everyone adheres to that kind of thinking. people betray you. they leave you. hurt you. and then you have to ask yourself what the point of it all is.

some people feel like their purpose is simply to please everyone around them. they give and give and sacrifice their own happiness for someone else. but, what are you supposed to do when you can't seem to please anyone. not a single human being. if your entire life is built on that notion, life ends when you fail to complete what was asked of you. some take their lives.

some people feel like their purpose in life is to seek recognition. i am all to familiar with this concept. the pressure to succeed is like a gun to your head. it's like a do or die situation. sometimes we get lucky and we draw blanks. but, the anticipation of that trigger is enough to drive you mad. growing up we are designed to do the right thing. go to school. go to college. get married. father and mother kids. create a happy household. do what's right not for your own personal gains but for the betterment of your loved ones. even the holy scriptures tell the same kind of stories. the pressure to do well in order to be recognized or appreciated can drive you mad. succeeding just to succeed. what if you never receive that recognition? some take their lives.

the pressure is thick my brothers. they want us to be what we aren't destined to be. i say let's just do whatever we want to do and hope for the best. accountability still holds a grip on you, so don't go too wild. live for your own happiness. live with all of us in mind. don't hurt me. and i won't hurt you. we will just live like men used to live. for the sake of living.