countdown!!!

7 more days til winter vacation.
7 more days til it's just you and me. :)

Can't do it alone

A couple of days ago, I decided to email my mentor/friend, TR. I was really happy to get a response from her, especially because she genuinely seemed happy to hear from me. I called her the day before last and we talked for almost two hours. I get really giddy and anxious around her, but more of a happy-anxious feeling. She is someone who I admire to the fullest, and I hope I can embody some of the qualities that make her such a wonderful woman. So naturally, I feel very humbled in her presence. Her conversation is exactly what I needed right now in my life. Aside from her wise advice, I just really need and want someone to talk to who has known me for quite some time. She has witnessed the ups and downs of my adolescents, and I really appreciate her ability to see me as the individual, devoid of everything and everyone else. She is able to get me, sympathize and empathize with my situations, and really take me for who I am without judgement or blame. I feel so safe talking with her, and I say things to her that I don't necessarily share with everyone, excluding my partner. I am not putting preference over my friendship with her above any other relationship I have with others--I just really need TR's energy right now. I am at a fairly happy place in my life, but I want more for myself. And to do so, I need to find the confidence within me to make that happen. I need to feel like I am worthy enough to have faith and trust in myself. I'm sure I have said this before, but in a lot of ways I feel I have lost some of my self-esteem. People at school don't know my background, who I was back home, and how big of a deal it is for me to be thousands of miles away from home. I need someone to understand me, to know me, to believe in me, and to help guide me, because I can't do this alone. I know I am not alone. I know people love me. I know that my girlfriend is here for me, as I am for her. But, I must draw on multiple people as resources toward building myself up again. I finally feel like I have the strength to make things happen for myself, but I need that extra push from somewhere, rather someone, else.

So, it seems this whole discussion is less about TR and more about my own life's experiences and challenges. I am drawing on TR's wisdom and friendship because I know deep in my heart that it is imperative for my spirit and well-being. I talked to her again tonight. I really miss her. She says I am not bothering her, which is a RELIEF. The last thing I want to do is be a bother or burden. But, she ensures me that we are friends now--not a student and teacher. We are friends, and she agrees that she is my mentor. People need friends and mentors, and as far as I am concerned, I am lucky to have one person in my life who can and will willingly serve as my friend and mentor. I have so much to do, to experience, to endure, and I simply cannot do it alone.

D