One year later

Now you caught my heart for the evening. Kissed my cheek, moved in, you confuse things.
Should I just sit out or come harder? Help me find my way.

One year later, here we are. I'm yours.

I came harder.

him again...

he's like the light of my life and yet his words bring me down. it's always a constant battle with him; a push and pull and push again kind of thing. he makes it so clear to me. he lays it down. but, he's got me stressin'. i mean hard core stressin'. like i can't sleep at night. like it hurts so much to be here. like it's more than i can bare. like he's taking all i got. nothing for me. the red light is flashing because i'm running on E. it's complicated. he says he loves me no matter what. but, other times he likes to hate on me. pointin' out my flaws, sayin' he still loves me but he ain't got room for me. and i just wanna say "look muthafucka, take me as i am or leave me the fuck alone!" of course i never say that. i got to much respect for him to diss him like that.


I have a relationship with god, and it's a hectic one.

The Night

The lights were very dim,
your skin looked orange in the deep night shadows.
Your skin was everything to me:
it held all my dreams and desires.
I was ravenous that night.
I wanted to consume every part of you.
I wanted to empty you out
and fill you up with me.
i did.
I filled every secret part of you with every part of me.
We fit together.
Perfectly.
The night was deep.
The night was dark.
Yet, your light blinded me.
All shackles of humiliation or trepidation clanked to the cement under our toes.
We moved rhythmically against the cold tiles, cold green tiles.
We could have been caught.
They could have found us out that night.
But, God let them wait til the morning.
One night, the last night
the only night you were mine.

All that I am

If a metaphor could express how I feel right now, I guess I would say I feel fucked. Multiple times. No pleasure. No pain. Just numb. I feel numb. I am numb. I am not pleasure. I am not pain. I am numb. I am busy. I am slow. I am in a constant state of going nowhere. I am going everywhere. I am everywhere. I am nowhere. I am sacrificing. I am selfish. I am greedy. I am generous. I help to feel full. I give to take. I refrain to go ahead. I whisper under my breath like I am screaming. I live to die. I die to live. I am nothing. I am everything. I am dominant. I am subordinate. I am inferior. I am superior. I take her. I am taken by her. I feel her inside. I go inside. I breathe to exhale. I exhale to breathe. I eat to shit. I shit to eat. I walk to get there. I get there to walk back again. I write to erase. I erase to write again. I call to hang up. I hang up to call tomorrow. I leave to return. I return to leave this morning. I am. I am not. I am godly. I am evil. I am good. I am bad. I am all that exists in between. The only consistency exists in my love. It may move through, between, in, out, and all over, but I do love. I love.