This May Actually Be My HOUSE

So, in five days I find out which HOUSE I get to live in during my stay at Smith! YES!

Wooo Hooo!

My Little Ode to Lice

Lice are like mice

Accept they're not as nice.

Lice look like rice

With a little more spice.

I hate lice. An outbreak of lice has taken over the heads of my siblings.

Shit, shit, shit.

Quote

Destiny didn't have such a simple plan. -A.Keys

My favorite lyrics by none other than Miss Alicia Keys

Do you do you
To have a long conversation on the phone
Can't get you outta my mind
Baby are you feeling me feeling you
Everything you say and everything you do
Gets me lost in you days at a time
Tell me are you feeling me feeling you

Lioness

It's crazy how music influences your entire mood. A minute ago, I was listening to Alicia Keys, which always makes me feel empowered and beautiful all over. Now, I'm listening to Jean Grae, and I suddenly feel like a ferocious lioness. That's right, I am an empowered, beautiful, yet ferocious lioness. I'm Dominique.

Lonely

I'm sitting here, well actually laying here, on my father's bed in Oklahoma. I'm experiencing many mixed emotions. I miss my mother; more than ever, really. I miss her because I feel completely safe with her. Here, I'm surrounded by strange faces, strange accents, and a complete change of culture. Here, people like to hunt, people like to BBQ, people like to have a good ol' time. I find nothing wrong with that, I'm just home sick. I long for the familiar. I long for a woman's presence. I don't say mean this in the sexual tense, more of the companionship sense. I really miss the women that are usually around me. I do.

So, I'm here in Oklahoma, feeling disoriented, daranged, and dillusional.

But, above all else, I feel alone. Utterly alone.

Stress and The Writing

Right now I am sitting in my computer chair, feeling tired, stressed, and discontent due to these horrific cramps I'm experiencing. I'm leaving for Oklahoma tomorrow, and I AM STRESSED. I'm heading for college in the fall, and paperwork is being sent to me left and right ALL the time. This means that I have to read, understand, fill out, and sign a multitude of papers. Now, since my address is not in Oklahoma, I will have to rely solely on my mom for any news regarding any paperwork that my school sends to me.

I am also stressed out because of the whole financial aspect of going to school. Not only do I have to worry about schools fees, I have to worry about transporting my ass back and forth from CA (where I live) to Massachusetts (school's location). Now, I don't have a trust, or any resemblance of wealth to my name or my family's name. This means that I have to try twice as hard to get scholarships, financial aid, etc. I also have a level of pride that won't allow me to accept anything from anyone without doing something to earn it or deserve it.

Thirdly, I am stressed because I am finally going to meet my girlfriend for the very first time. It has been over a year now, and I am so excited. But, I'm nervous because I haven't done the whole "relationship in person" thing for a while now. Plus, I have changed so much that I'm most likely not going to behave the same way I did while in my past relationships. I haven't kissed anyone in about 16 months, or done anything affectionate with a partner. So, that's also why I'm stressed :(.

Sometimes I just need to write to get it all out. I don't think anyone has even read any of these blog posts, but I don't need anyone to do that. I just need to get it all out. It's my stress reliever, my anecdote. It's therapeutic.

That's it, folks.

To Be With You

Twisting
Turning
The fear of yearning
to be with you
consumes me completely.

Spinning
Shaking
My whole heart quaking
to be with you
envelopes me completely.

Grasping
Pulling
My love needing
to be with you
enflames me completely.

You have this crazy way about you
You have this crazy power over me
That has me dying to be with you.

Zen Dorm

This is the inspiration for my dorm room.

Zen. :)

People are Strange-Doors

People are strange
when youre a stranger
Faces look ugly when youre alone
Women seem wicked when youre unwanted
Streets are uneven when youre down
When youre strange
Faces come out of the rain
When youre strange
No one remembers your name
When youre strange
People are strange
when youre a stranger
Faces look ugly when youre alone
Women seem wicked when youre unwanted
Streets are uneven when youre down
When youre strange
Faces come out of the rain
When youre strange
No one remembers your name
When youre strange
When youre strange
Faces come out of the rain
When youre strange
No one remembers your name
When youre strange

Insane

I wanna go insane.
See what it's like to have no brain.
Feel like I'm flying on a paper airplane.
I wanna go insane.

Look at Him

Jim Morrison is another bad ass! Just look at him.

The Missing

I'm annoyed. I don't know why, but then again I kind of do. I want something that I know not of. I want too much sometimes. I just want things to feel right. I go into it feeling alright, then she says something or I say something, and I feel horrible. I feel like I have no way out of the situation, as if the walls of our little issues come closing in around me.

I have this vision of the life I want. I want to be happy, compassionate, eccentric, sophisticated, and zen. I want to travel. I want to help people. I want to experience new things. I want to be loved. I want to love more than anything. And, I love her. I just want our worlds and our visions to complement each other's.

I want her, my dreams, her dreams, and our dreams. I want us to work harmoniously together. We do; it's just so hard being so far apart from one another. I miss her so much.

Dark, Deep Hole

I am being led into a dark, deep hole of no existence. There is no turning back. There is no looking back. There is just the dark, deep hole of no existence. I am soon spiraling down the hole against my will. I am soon being dragged deeper into the dark, deep hole. I'm not scared. I'm not frightened. I'm content. I'm relaxed. I take it all in, all in, all in. All of it in as I go down into the dark, deep hole.

Sacrifice, Love and Life

I need this blank page to release all of what's in me. I was in a period of relaxation, but now I am reminded of all my obligations and responsibilities. My mom and I have always struggled. Even when I was young I remember my mom always scraping just to get by. Maybe that's why I'm intolerant, rather impatient, to the petty problems people my age complain about. I feel like most of them don't even know about struggle. They haven't heard the ins and outs of their parents' financial instabilities. They often go on to be self-absorbed, high-maintenance snobs. I'm not saying that I'm any better. I'm not better. It's just that I feel I am always up against this hard wall. I feel like demonic creatures are trying to prevent me from succeeding, by increasing all of my financial burdens. I know I have it better than most. Lord knows I have so much love and support in my life...love and support that just can't be bought--which is a good thing, because I always happen to be broke. My mom and I are always in this constant state of self-sacrifice. We have to constantly sacrifice what we'd like to be doing to make ends meat. I am mainly stressed out because I know she's tried so hard and has sacrificed so much already. She sacrificed her adulthood to have me. I could have been easily aborted. But, she kept me. She's put a shelter over my head, and has fed me each night. I just wish she didn't have to give up what little money she has to send me to college. I'm going to the best school of the schools I was accepted to--which means it's more expensive. I just feel for her. But, I know I will pay her back along with my gratitude, as soon as I am able to do so.

I'm still growing. I'm still learning how to balance my money, and how to live on a budget based on my own money. I am evolving. I am morphing and transforming. It's just hard. It's just hard to live in a constant state of self-sacrifice. But, that's what life's about. That's what love is about. My mother's love is so great for me that she'd do anything to make sure I receive the very best. Life and love are one in the same.

Jagger

Mick Jagger is a freakin' bad ass!

I love him.

A lot.