Family

It's been busy lately. Around here, around everywhere. In Japan, people are scraping by and trying to scrounge for food and water. In my little bubble, I am swamped with school work, organization obligations, and family issues. Sometimes it is nice to be away from family. But, then again, I can't really do anything directly proactive when I am so removed from my family.

I am frustrated with the whole situation. I don't know why he can't just love who he has. Why does he have to run away from the people who love him the most...his children? It's really pathetic. I know it's more complicated than what it is made to seem like. This only serves as a lesson to my future self: I will always put my children first. I will always make them feel loved and cared for. They will always hold my heart. My decisions will be primarily guided by striving to give them the best of me and the best of life. I will always know their favorite color(s), what they like to do for fun, all of their mannerisms, and their dreams and aspirations. I will stop at nothing to give my all to my family.

Period.

False Acceptance

False acceptance. I received an email yesterday saying that I got accepted into a research program. As I reread the email I realized that the letter was not addressed to me. It was addressed to a male with the a last name that could "easily" get confused with my own. In reality, the only thing that linked his last name to mine was the first initial. I was really ecstatic, then I panicked, and I decided to email the program with my findings. This morning, I received a response to my query, and just as I suspected, the letter was not intended to reach my eyes. I understand the mishap, but I am still upset. The last thing I want is to be accepted by this institution for reparations. I'd rather try again next year and simply enjoy my summer with my girlfriend in some other country.

Truth is...I still hope to get accepted by at least one of the research programs.

Dom

a discussion on identity

identity is tricky. and complicated. for me, identity has been a source of pain and strength. there is a fine line between the two. for me, my identity is not comprised of any one thing. there are a billion things that i feel have some weight in my life. my gender, my race, my nationality, my culture, my values, my sexuality, my freedom, my hobbies, my talents...the list goes on. some aspects of my life are more readily available for outsiders to pick up on. based on the color of my skin and the way my body is formed you'd most likely infer that i am a woman of color. but, how boring would it be to only be defined by TWO things. we might as well be robots!

i take pride and pleasure in celebrating my identity. everyday is not a celebration, but i make sure to really keep in mind who i am (a useful tool in making decisions). if you know who are it is hard to do things outside of your element. i won't steal because it is not in my nature to steal. i won't make blatantly racist or sexist remarks because i have internalized my identity as a woman of color, so doing that would ultimately hurt myself.

it is important to be truthful. not only to other people, but especially to yourself. lying to yourself and to others can really hurt you in the end, and it ultimately impedes the process of others achieving a level of honesty. if people did not take that step to come out as black (assuming they are ethnically ambiguous) or gay or transgender or even as activists for animals (this is a stretch), a lot of people would have lived there lives as scared, intimidated prisoners of their identity. i know not everyone will fight or wants to fight. i know people don't always want to take that challenge. it is a lot of work. but, someone's got to do it. and if you don't have anything to lose, why not do it? why not be courageous? and if you have something to lose, you should really evaluate that "something" and whether or not that "something" is really worth it.