yellow sticky notes

i drew a book today about our life together
the pages were sticky notes, yellow
and they were fastened together with two staples at the top
and it revealed all the glorious and triumphant feats of our dedication
and yet
we had a fight of indifference
where you took your jeans off the doorhook, slipped them on, grabbed your bag
and proceeded to place your valuables one-by-one in it as fast as you could
you said the distance would be good for us, that you'd be back in an hour
and two hours later you come home, night pitch black, and me
in the same spot, just a little bit cleaner.

pessimism

they told me i'd have to pick myself up.

she said to try and try again.

and i listened willfully when everything was good.

but, now that it's shit
and messy as hell

i don't believe them. i don't believe it's just that easy.

all things evil

do i have to sell my soul to the devil to be who i want to be?

the doors are closing and light seems miles and miles away.

if only there was a way, if only another day, another try

because i feel so alone and i can't find mine.

four letter word

Sometimes, I just want to say

F*** It.

No Home

I have no home with a welcome mat
I have no place to hang my hat

I have no room with a bed
I have no space to rest my head

I have no home to call my own
I am simply adrift; a rolling stone

I have a mom, I have a dad
Yet there is no space inside their clans

Two years ago I had a home
With four strong walls and solid bones

Three years ago I felt alone
Even when I had a home

I am not lost but I am not found
I exist between those solid grounds

With plastic boxes in storage spaces
All the time I meet new faces

Duffel bags, backpacks and suitcases
I travel far and wide to distant places

And I feel just fine.

My sister

She's getting so big. She's 12 years old. Before I know it, she's going to be 16.
I wonder who she will be. If she will be like me. If she will like me. If I will like her. If we will love each other like only sisters can. If she will value sisterhood. If she will come to me. If she will feel like she can count on me. If I will trust her. If, if, if...

Family

It's been busy lately. Around here, around everywhere. In Japan, people are scraping by and trying to scrounge for food and water. In my little bubble, I am swamped with school work, organization obligations, and family issues. Sometimes it is nice to be away from family. But, then again, I can't really do anything directly proactive when I am so removed from my family.

I am frustrated with the whole situation. I don't know why he can't just love who he has. Why does he have to run away from the people who love him the most...his children? It's really pathetic. I know it's more complicated than what it is made to seem like. This only serves as a lesson to my future self: I will always put my children first. I will always make them feel loved and cared for. They will always hold my heart. My decisions will be primarily guided by striving to give them the best of me and the best of life. I will always know their favorite color(s), what they like to do for fun, all of their mannerisms, and their dreams and aspirations. I will stop at nothing to give my all to my family.

Period.