Recap. We ended a while ago. Over a month ago, officially. Believe it or not, it was hard to say good-bye. It was even harder when I realized we had given up. Much harder when I realized I was the one doing most of the giving up. But, I walked away. It was too painful to stay. It was too complicated one might say.
A part of it was easy though. I didn't have to see you each day. You didn't have to see me moving on. I could go on. I could keep up the studies. I could keep up my social life. Not compromising anything. It was the same. Except, I felt liberated. Not having to worry if I was being a good partner to you. Not having to struggle time and time again to make things work when I knew they were falling apart.
Things Fall Apart ...when one person stops trying, stops wanting. Perhaps it was me. Or maybe it was you, too.
Since then, my life has been great. It was always great. I have been blessed, fortunate. Good friends, a family who loves me. But, for a while I was sad. I was sad because I felt terrible for being happy, for putting myself first. Selfish. Greedy. Unworthy.
But, my attitude shifted. And, I was genuinely 100% happy. I am happy. Moved on, yes. Quickly? Maybe so. But, you only live once. You only get one life to live. One chance to live to the fullest. You only get one go at it.
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